You said, “I do” to him. Now what do you do if he says, “I won’t” to dance lessons?

You’re probably planning to have a traditional first dance at your wedding reception. But it you’re like most couples today, it’s also likely that you have little or no partner dancing experience. If you don’t want to look like a couple of dorks on the dance floor, in front of all your friends and family, you need dance lessons. That’s obvious.

The thing is, a lot of guys loathe the idea of going to a dance studio. Put yourself in his shoes; how would you feel if you were going on a car trip for your honeymoon and your fiancé insisted that you go to mechanic’s school? Think you could come up with plenty of good excuses why you couldn’t find the time?

One thing’s for sure, no one likes to be embarrassed. That’s why you need dance lessons in the first place.

One reason a lot of guys avoid situations like studio dance lessons is that they fear being embarrassed there. After a lifetime of getting teased by their friends, most guys hate appearing to be beginners at anything, even when that’s exactly what they are.

Frankly, it doesn’t matter that you’ll be supportive; it’s not you he’s worried about, it’s the other people who’ll be there. (And even if you take private lessons, there’s the teacher to worry about.)

Of course, one reason he may argue that he has no time for dance lessons is… he may really not have any time. Arranging for both of you to have free time at the same time, for the lessons and the commute to the dance studio, can be a real challenge.

Learning at home addresses both these issues. Your fiancé won’t be embarrassed in front of strangers, and you can schedule your sessions any time you happen to be together.

Is it really possible to learn to dance at home, in private?

Sure! There are loads of websites, books, and DVDs that all claim they can teach you to dance. The question is, how can you choose between them?

Start by looking for an at-home program that begins the way expert coaches train champion dancers. Before you take the first step, you need to learn how to stand and how to breathe. Poise and posture create an impression of grace before you even move; more important, they will carry you through any little mis-steps.

Forget about learning complex choreography at home. To develop an elaborate routine, even expert dancers need to spend many hours with choreographers. Luckily for you, you don’t need an elaborate routine to move gracefully as a couple.

So when you’re choosing an at-home learning system, look for one that teaches a simple step pattern, like the box step, that’s easy to remember.

The box step is the foundation of most partner dances and can literally be learned in minutes. Add in a few turns and a final dip, and you and your fiancé will look as though you’ve been dancing all your lives.

So, once you’ve chosen a good at-home dance lesson package, and you know that you and your fiancé can learn in your own time, with no risk of embarrassment, you should be almost home free.

When you tell your fiancé what you have planned, don’t say that couples who dance together have much better odds of long, happy marriages. And don’t tell him that by dancing together you’ll be developing valuable non-verbal communication skills that will benefit every aspect of your relationship. Guys hate that touchy-feely stuff!

Instead, tell him that you have your heart set on a traditional first dance, and you don’t want him to risk embarrassment in front of all his friends. Tell him you can learn together, at home, and that it will only take a few hours. Then tell him the truth: dancing is hot!

Once he realizes that you weren’t kidding, that dancing is hot; once his friends ask him, “Hey, where did you learn to dance?” I’m betting that he won’t want to stop. And that bodes well for you as a married couple.

Mary Pinizzotto is The Wedding Dance Expert.  She has taught hundreds of couples to learn to dance for their wedding.  She’s the creator of the First Dance Fabulous system that helps couples look fabulous for their first dance in hours not days.